So, I drive my car to the hand car wash

This post will hold little relevance for anyone not interested in government interaction online – and even then…

Every time I go to the Guildford hand car wash – funnily enough there is no website, there is a mobile number on my air freshener but I am sure it is unnecessary – I am astounded by how brilliant they are. That does not do them enough credit to be honest. I drive in, they descend on my car in a pack and clean the outside with almost extra-terrestrial efficiency; then they offer to do the inside, which I always accept as my children are wont to eat their breakfast in the car on the way to school. I drive into the next shed, hop out and read the paper whilst a further dozen descend upon the car – spitting it out a gleaming (if elderly) specimen of blue metal. Job done.

This über-efficiency has nagged at me, every time I go I want to somehow apply it to my life. I absolutely salute the genius who created this perfect business: an abundance of happy staff, the tools always work, responding to a need: lazy Surrey car owners.

Today whilst waiting sans Sunday paper (bad planning, Emma) I wondered how I could perhaps apply this to my life… nope, nothing. Then to work: *ping* – why this business works so well is because it effortlessly understands my need, responds to it, charges me a reasonable sum, job done.

Here comes the pedantic bit

So, in order for me to get my car to the car wash, I have to know how to drive. In order to know how to drive I have to pass a test. In order to pass a test I have to understand the laws of the road. Behind each of those three simple ‘to dos’ there are a multitude of rules, regulations and learnings that I have to comply with; as well as an acceptance that the car wash will have covered their arse with various ‘insurance’ statements around the joint as I pass through their premises.

Now, if this car wash was a government website *grin* it would be fully versed in what your need was, the people designing the service will have researched and will know exactly what it is you need to know/do. HOWEVER… in order to deliver the service, it will have to ensure that each policy unit that may have an interest in the service provided is 1. aware of it and 2. signs off the content/tool.

Each policy unit will insist that the right information is given before or during the delivery of the service, so all of the terms and conditions, the precautions, the advice (beautifully crafted) will be given to you, before, during and after you have done what it is you need to do. And how can this be ignored? Of course people need to be aware of what they are doing, the consequences and possible risks.

Coming back to the carwash a second, if it were a government website, from the moment you drove onto the land owned by the carwash guy (assumption here that it is a bloke) you would have a multitude, nay a dearth, of signs directing you down various routes, large bill boards explaining the rules of the road, the instructions for driving a car, possibly a small inlet for the DVLA to check your licence and insurance on the way (not collecting data of course). All done in the very earnest belief that you need to *know* this stuff.

Well, OK, we do. But we learn this stuff en route to getting to the car wash. It has probably taken years and really the re-affirmation of ‘the rules’ at point of service is firstly irrelevant and secondly hugely annoying. More often that not rendering the beautiful simplicity of the carwash service pointless. Far easier to go home and get the kids to do it/do it yourself.

Enter Directgov

Directgov is going to be, by 2011, the only place you will need to go to online to interact with government. Their strapline: Public services all in one place. Transformational government and website rationalisation – (jargon for those in the know, put simply: stop wasting millions of pounds on thousands of disparate websites giving often conflicting advice; spend the next few years getting it all in one place online: Directgov for citizen info, for business and departmental corporate sites for the ‘corporate’ stuff) – has meant that Directgov is now going to be your Guildford hand carwash for… everything.

This post is already long enough but you get the problem? Poor old DG comes in for much criticism, and I have my own frustrations trying to marry departmental need with DG requirement, but basically what I am trying to do on behalf of the department I am working in – is ruin the simplicity of their service by doing the ‘yeah but’ signs. There is no way to avoid this. Public sector information must carry all health warnings, all of it. The information the Home Office delivers through Directgov on Immigration, Identity, Passports, Police and Border Control comes with a very definite list of ‘yeah buts’… so how on earth can Directgov maintain its simplicity and integrity?

I don’t know

But what I do know is that this problem needs to be solved.

If I were to be actually helpful in my scribing here, I would suggest that the carwash efficiency is looked at as a business model.

It works because:

  1. It assumes that you know how to drive
  2. It assumes that you know that they will not pay for any damage to your car
  3. It assumes that you are familiar with the rules of the road
  4. It knows what you want done
  5. It knows it is not your mate
  6. It does not try to sell you anything else

Perhaps Directgov should be brave enough to make some assumptions. Perhaps departments and policy owners should ensure that the R&Rs of the service are fully understood before the customer gets to using any online service. Perhaps there should be various points of entry… I don’t know and as I write I feel the wrath of my dear friends Paul Clarke and Sharon Cooper who work tirelessly at developing a working proposition for Directgov. I am not trying to develop tin-pot solutions, I just think that sometimes we need to take a GIANT step back and have a look at it from the simplicity of a working service.

Maybe it won’t work, but it will be a damn shame if it doesn’t – if not taxing on the public purse.

12 responses

  1. Please excuse my appalling use of first, second and third person throughout this post, and I am also referring to ‘Directgov’ in the final sentence rather than my musings having any effect on the public purse… of course

  2. Interesting questions, I suspect that we will need to rethink the DirectGov concept in any case to reflect social networking and multi-partner delivery.

    Hmm, some kind of onion skin model starting with simple activities leading into detail generated automatically from past activities, “people like you also liked this service” and partner services and wider world stuff…

    But it then starts getting very fuzzy. I will ponder on

    • You were lucky with your experience with this garage, but be warned you may not be so lucky next time if you still use them.

      When I took my car to Guildford Hand Car Wash for a full valeting last week, after reading your review, I left my Volvo C30 there for a full day. When I picked it up it was clean all right, but the rubber moulding around the window was very badly damaged- ripped in several places, obviously with a sharp edge of a tool while someone was cleaning the window. The damage is so bad the moulding has to be replaced.

      The garage completely denied responsibility, have been lying through their teeth that the damage was there when I brought the car, and that I’m imagining things. When I insisted the damage is new they went on saying that I “should not cry over something that cannot be changed”, and they “did not do it” but “will help and fix the car just to stop you crying”. Mind you the word “crying” was used not literally, but to demean my complaint, show disrespect and generally put themselves in a somewhat superior position when they should in fact be apologising.

      Of course there is no way to allow this unprofessional, unethical, disrespectful and unreliable garage anywhere near the vehicle again, so I will have the repairs done in a proper garage.

      These people have no clue how to deal with customers, never mind the fact that they damage other people’s property when they should be taking care of it! My advice to anyone reading this- please stay away from this shady outfit if you don’t want the same kind of experience.

  3. Hi, Do you think that the next time that you go and get them to clean your car you could ask to see their certificates that prove that the water, traffic film and cleaning fluids are going into a foul sewer and not into local surface water drains?
    Perhaps you could also ask to see their insurance certificates?

    Many, not all hand car wash sites and yes that includes those that have been about for a bit and are now quite big and those that you find in supermarket car parks, allow their dirty water which contains some pretty nasty stuff to run into surface drains which run into the local rivers, killing fish and local wildlife. Some makes its way back in drinking water.

    Funny isn’t it, we all seperate our rubbish and reuse our plastic bags to help the enviroment and at the same time we are doing far more damage by allowing companies that want to make a quick £ to wash our cars and it seems that the goverment don’t care and neither do the media, yet!

    But in time when our kids start to get i’ll after swimming in the local rivers and we the great British public start to ask questions, then people will care.

    Oh you might also like to take a close look at the paint work in bright sunlight and then you can see the scratches in nice swirls, lovely.

  4. I have found myself in need of information provided by the government’s website recently (working abroad, but paying NI in the UK, I need an E106 to register with a doctor). Forms to fill out are fine. And I understand the necessity of having a fully functional website.
    My concern is that at the moment it seems to be slowing an already slow bureaucratic process. Ultimately, in keeping with your analogy, I have had to park my car in my local carwash, then telephone the head office every 5 minutes to make sure that they have not forgotten about washing it. And I am always being told that I have to phone back in another 5 minutes to find out if they have been able to speak to the people that are washing it. Who will then be able to tell me that they were not able to start washing it because they were not sure if I had a valid driving license. They wanted to ask this when I parked the car, but they were not sure if head office would permit this. So they phoned head office, but the person that they needed to speak with was not there. So they asked if I could phone back to arrange an appointment with the man that phoned head office in 5 minutes.
    And so here I am 10 months down the line and my car is still waiting to get washed. And the government website containing the information is not able to tell if when my car has been washed I will be able to drive it home, as the tax disc is not valid in the area where I have moved to in the intervening months.

  5. I think what one was trying to say is simplicity matters rather than confusing the public with unnecessary information however the basics are required such as insurance and so on…

    Can I also point out that small businesses in most cases comply with the law and do do their bit by paying their tax!

    Can you or any one else tell me how must ta has tesco or asda payed into our society?

    you can’t get the government accountable or transparent enough on how they spent or manage our money (tax payers money).

    I believe you should criticize those who have been going round to not contribute into our society.

    Barcklis ceo took over £6.5 million bonus plus

    The hand carwash across uk is not worth that.

    You do the maths.

  6. I came across this page looking for the closing times for this carwash. I use it and have the exact same feelings each time I go in. Thank you for inspiring me (something I am not usually short of) to keep thinking about this and how to apply it to what I do.

    • Hi Nicola. Different place to the one I was referring to. You can’t leave your car there all day. You just drive through. And they clean it with you in it. Or if you want the inside done you go and sit on a bench whilst they do it.

      So yeah. Different place. Yours sounds grim.

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